Last night's dinner was amazing. I've made it before, but this time it came out so much better. I fixed Juliette ravioli for dinner b/c it's her favorite thing and I knew there was no way in heck I was going to get her to eat the chicken. I knew she thought it would look "weird" and well, I wanted to enjoy my dinner.

Sure enough, as I sat down a few hours later with my plate of food, she looked at me and said
"What's that?"
"Chicken, potatoes, and squash."
"Oh, I don't think I like chicken."

Riiiiiight. No, you like chicken, you silly ridiculous picky eater. You eat chicken nuggets like they are going out of style. Then, she pointed at the squash.

"Ewww, what's that?"
"Don't say "Eeewww" about peoples food, it's rude. And it's squash. It's good. It's a vegetable."
"Oh, I don't eat vegetables."

I would worry about her lack of weight gain, if she ddn't eat more than I did!

With the extra chicken, I pulled as much off from the bones as I could, and probaby sometime later this week we'll have chicken noodle soup. The last time I made chicken noodle soup, I add celery too it and got "scolded" for it.

"But, moooom, I don't like green beans!"
"It's not green beans Juliette, it's celery."
"What's celery?"
"It's a vegetable, it's really yummy. Try it."
"Oh, I don't like vegetables. And, yuck, you put carrots in here too?! I don't like carrots."
"Don't say "Yuck" about people's food Juliette, it's rude."

Needless to say, if I waited for her to like something I've cooked ... well, I might have lost more than 25 pounds at this point!

My goal for this week is no more Starbucks. Seriously, I don't know if I can do this. I think one trip a week is more than enough, and well, I used that trip yesterday ... so ... no more Starbucks this week!

Well, Julie and I have been working on potty training for like ... ever. Seriously. She started doing #1 on the potty way back at 18 months. She LOVED going potty. It was fun, it was new.

And then it stopped.

Finally almost a year ago, she got really into #1 on the potty again. YAY! It was a constant thing, something she was really into. YAY! But, no #2. Nothing.

So, last week, Julie and I had a discussion.

Momma: So, what if you got something really cool if you go poop on the potty.
Julie: No, I like to go poop in my big girl panties.
Momma: But isn't going poop in your panties YUCKIE?
Julie: Nope, I LIKE it. A LOT.
Momma: What if you got something really cool, like tattoos when you go poop on the potty.
Julie: Hmmm ... let me think. What kinda tattoos?
Momma: I don't know. Let's look online. Oooo, look Monkey tattoos, that would be neat.
Julie: I MIGHT go potty if you got me some monkey tattoos. I really like the purple one.

So, the next day I went to the local party store. Of course, they didn't have any monkey tattoos, but I picked up Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony ones. My options were really limited. I brought them to school to show her, and her teachers made a HUGE deal out of it.

AND, it worked!

So far, she's gone three out of the four days with the new tattoos as an incentive. One of those days was my sisters birthday, so ... I'll be ok with an accident that day. In a pull up, we were prepared that day) ...

Of course, I have $30 worth of pullups .... lol. I guess "blowing" the $4 on tattoos is a bargain compared to all the extra pullups I might end up with.

So, fingers crossed that the tattoos don't loose their appeal. Oh, and if you live near us ... don't look at the mom with the crazy child who is covered in tattoos. Seriousy, I am wondering what the people who see us think about us. LOL.

That's how much I spent in daycare last year.

OUCH!

Could you imagine if I could deposit that money into a savings account, with what's left of "decent" interest ... and add the $540 a month I am currently paying.

With compounded interest, from now until she's 5 ... that would be a pretty penny.

Thank goodness I LOVE my little girl and her daycare, b/c it hurts a little to think of how much money it is.

Today was a zero dollar day ... WOOT. I have one or two more days of planned spending this month, but I am aiming for zero dollars for most of this coming week.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

First, let me start out by stating that I do most of my grocery shopping alone. My daughter feels left out by this, but I usually do it either after getting off of work, or right after dropping her off at school if I have the day off.

Yesterday I brought her to the last store with me. This is not the normal plan, and I wasn't prepared for it.

We're walking through the aisles ... and Julie spots Dora ice cream. "Mom, I've got to have that!" "Umm, why?!" "B/c it's Dora. Dora ice cream." "Ok, and can you tell me what kind of ice cream it is." Blank stare. Yeah, didn't think so.

On to the cereal aisle ... Princess Cereal. "Mom, look ... princess rella cereal!" "Yeah, it's frosted flakes. You can have a box of this that's the same thing, but cheaper. Cheaper is always good." "But mom, it's Princess RELLA cereal."

I don't know how women bring their children to the grocery store with them. I literally wanted to pull my hair out.

Tonight, as we were watching the news, they showed a commercial for Healthy Choice frozen meals "Mom, I want Santa Clause to bring me that!" Yeah, I think I'm creating a monster.

So, I've been thinking about getting Juliette a really "nice" doll. Possibly for her half birthday ... something that will get a lot of love and attention put towards it.

I want something soft, but that's able to withstand a three year old's love. I want something that she can carry around, change it's clothes and dote upon it.

I don't want anything that can pee, poop, burp or do anything gross that I will probably have to clean up.

I was looking at the Bitty Baby by American Girl. They run about $50, and I've heard some amazing things about them.

But, then I noticed it was really quite in here ... where's Juliette. She's sitting behind me, playing with a doll I bought her for around $15, taking her clothes off and putting them back on. Giving this baby all the love she could ever need. It doesn't eat, or have any sort of bodily functions. For some reason, I am looking for the "perfect" doll, and yep, we already have it.

I think this counts as $50 savings!

HAHA! That's what I heard coming from the back seat of the car on the way home tonight. Because of our busy day on her birthday, yesterday I gave her a Princess coloring thing (it's really big, and I got it for 1/2off at walmart clearance) and Happy Feet (bought for $10 at Target on 12/26) I didn't wrap them b/c she refused to unwrap my mom's gift for her (6 pairs of dress up shoes) ... and she was thrilled with these new presents.

So, on the way home today, she politely informed me that she can't get anymore presents b/c her birthday is DONE! Fine with me ... I'll keep the stickers and Mickey book I picked up at the $1 Spot on 12/26 for a rainy day, child. I'm trying to raise her frugal, maybe it's working.

I can't believe it's been three years ... but it's true. My little girl will be three today!

At work, everyone was asking me when her birthday party was. I looked at them all and laughed ... she's not having one. "What, you're not letting her have a birthday party?!?!!?!" She's three, she's never had a "real" party ... and I probably won't start with one until she's in school.

Apprently, I'm not the "norm" in this thought. Don't get me wrong, we celebrate her birthday. We tried to have a first birthday, but she was sick that week, and I was sick the week after. We just had neighborhood people over for cake and goodies. Then, last year, I had my sister invite all the kids over for cake, and they were upset that they hadn't brought her a gift. I thought that was cute, but told them all it didn't really matter. My mom got her some ride on Dora jeep thing ... yeah, I was so thrilled (my daughter has pratically ran me over with that thing) and I got her a box of dress up clothes (they were supposed to be her Santa gift that got caught in the Colorado blizzard that year). All in all, after buying the cake from Publix for around $30 (which is absurd!) I spent, maybe $60 on her birthday. And you know what, she was thrilled.

This year, is a little different. Yesterday was my grandmother's birthday, and it turns out today is my only day off work for the week, so we are going to go and visit her. So, I bought a cake at Publix ($30, but they are amazing cakes), a few new things (it was hard to choose, she got sooooo much stuff at Christmas) and we're going to go visit Grandma. I'd like to take her out to dinner ... but since we're going with family, it depends on them. And you know what, even *gasp!* without the party, she'll have a fantastic birthday.

There's a small chance the shuttle will go off today as well, when it was postponed last time, NASA said the next possible day to launch was 1/2. My grandmother lives about 20miles away from Kennedy Space Center, so I'm crossing my fingers that the shuttle goes off. I think that will make the best birthday memory.

Occasionally, like every other month, I stop at Goodwill on my way home, and browse their movie selection. See, we have this old contraption called a VHS player ... and Goodwill sells tapes for $1. I saved some for Christmas ... but now we have nearly every Disney (Princess)classic.

Do you want to know what my daughter is doing right now ... yep, she's downstairs watching something I paid $1.07 on (silly taxes). And she's quiet, and leaving me alone for a minute so I can input my money spent today and have this silly thing called "a moments peace."

My neighbor came over on Christmas and saw Julie's box of "new" movies (I think I bought her eight) and told me how her boyfriend's daughter hadn't appreciated the gift of used movies. She actually said "What, it's used. This isn't even rewound." Juliette proudly told her all about her new movies, and my neighbor promised to keep an eye out for any I don't have.

The best part, other than the few minutes I can spend alone, is that these things are "classic". We have "Snow White" in it's first release on VHS, with Roy Disney in the beginning, talking about how this was such a change, to be able to view your favorite movie at home. I'm a Disney nerd, so watching these old interviews with Imagineers gets me a bit giddy, remembering when I was younger and my only dream was to work for the Mouse himself.

I'm off to go join my little one ... she wants to watch the Jungle Book tonight.

I was really good this year when buying presents for Juliette. I knew she would get overwhelmed with too many presents. I also knew that buying her things from the $1 store or from the thrift store would be fine.

However, my mother didn't learn. JEESH! I walked into pesent overload. It was a wee bit terrifying. We almost couldn't fit Julie into the car to bring her home yesterday!

And sure enough, wth 10 or so presents left, my daughter refused to open anything else. She wanted to play with her blue kitchen, and she wanted to play with it NOW.

My mom promises she's scaling back next year. Let's see. Julie's birthday is less than a week away, and I still haven't bought anything for her yet!

I forgot all about the gift exchange they do at Julie's school. I think I mentioned it in a previous post, where each child brings in a wrapped toy that they open, but the toy is donated to the school.

So yeah, forgot all about it. And yeah, honesty it wasn't in the budget this month to go out and buy a gift for her school, but it needed to be done.

I stopped by Target two days ago and picked up the cutest twin sets of babies. I thought the sign said $7.67, but it said $17.67 (not including tax). At first, I was just going to deal with it, b/c I knew that I was probably wrong and that I couldn't find a doll for much cheaper. Plus, I like the brand and they are something my daughter owns. I know nothing will withstand 18 three year olds playing with it all day, but these dolls have a chance of lasting, maybe 6 months.

Well, that night a Kohl's commercial came on that all of their Fisher Price toys are 50-60% off. Hmm ... maybe I can go and check them out. It couldn't hurt.

Scored the same set of babies for $10.67 (including taxes) I saved over $7 by driving .5 miles away. Of course I returned the other babies to Target, which was on my way home.

I feel accomplished. AND, I won't look too cheap since Kohl's prints the prices directly on the box, so the daycare will think I spent $19.99 plus tax on the silly dolls. I really don't know who would spend that kind of money on a set of dolls, but they were the last pair, so somebody did.

Juliette and I were discussing things last night, how fun it was to see Santa, how she's gotten tummy aches a couple of times this month ... normal silly stuff we actually talk about now, when it hit me ...the poor child hadn't gone #2 since Saturday.

So, I panic a little. I sent her to school today hoping there would be some sort of activity ... feeling like a bad mom that it took me so long to realize that there hadn't. After work today I picked her up, and no poop. Off to the store, for some juice. I laughed after we spent 1/2 an hour there, buying more junk we don't need. After checking out, she unbuckled herself from the cart and ran off towards the bathroom "You stay here mom!" I waited, but she was playing around ... so I went in after her. She was embarrassed, b/c she had finely gone, but in her panties. Oh, how I wish she had gone 30 minutes before ... you know, before stopping at the grocery store "for just one thing!" and walking out with $50 of junk. Luckily, most of it is things we'll use, and makes up for what my roommates took. Of course, cookies were on sale BoGo, which we didn't need, but were a nice treat.

At least we don't have to go to the doctors tomorrow! Tonight going to bed she looked at me and said "Tomorrow I'm sleeping in my bed without you." Cross your fingers everyone, I would love to sprawl out in bed by myself for one night. I can't believe she'll be three in less than three weeks.

So since staying with my friend, who lives in the next town over ... I've had to double my gas budget. I've been putting $100 on the walmart giftcard every two weeks, as opposed to $50. OUCH! And I use just about all of it.

Thank goodness this arrangment is only temp. My other friend and I have found a house that we really like, and we're going to moving in about mid April. I don't think it's going to cut too much of my gas budget down though, since it's still a bit outside of town, and I have to drive all the way in to drop Julie off at daycare.

Plus, by the time we move, my company will also be moving locations. It's only another exit down the interstate, but I don't know exactly what it's going to do gas wise.

Oh well, there's only so much one can do, right?

This weekend, I haven't been able to find someone to watch Julie. My mom had heart cath surgery and isn't going to be able to watch her since she can't lift her. They don't if there's anything wrong with her, nothing's pulling up at all. The test came back normal. I emailed my brother to let him know what was going on, plus I told him to email her which he's really bad at. He hasn't gotten word if he'll infact be coming home in March or not.

I have a friend who is going to watch Julie on Sunday, so that's nice. I think I am going to have to call in to Cracker Barrel on Saturday and let them know about my mom and tell them I just can't come in. I've called everyone I know, and this weekend's just bad.

I need a day off anyways, so I might head over to Disney. I have some friends spending the weekend there, so I won't have to pay for parking ... and since I'm already spending so much in gas I probably won't even notice a difference.

Sigh. I've been working since July to get Juliette on "affordable" health insurance here in Florida. It's called Florida KidCare.

First, they lost my income verfication. TWICE.

Then, in late September, they told me that everything was taken care of. All I had to do was pay the $15 copay, and her coverage would start in 4-6 weeks. Then my car died *the only thing in this entire matter that wasn't their fault* and I didn't have any extra money at the time.

I paid the $15 in the middle of November, when I got my next paycheck. Told to call back in 4-6 weeks. At that time, I picked her provider.

I called two weeks, 6 weeks later after receiving info that I had never picked her provider and that they were about to pick it for me. I picked a provider and then asked how long it would be for me to receive info on her to get her enrolled and everything.

Another 4-6 weeks.

Are you kidding me? I started getting a bit defensive. And then the lady said they were sending it to the "Urgent Review Department" which I was pretty sure they were just making up. I called three days later, after the MLK holiday, since they were closed. Apprently they did forward it the the department listed above, which I still giggle at since it really sounds like something I would have made up.

I was told they didn't have current employer information on me. AGAIN!?!?! I explained to the lady that I did infact have TWO jobs, and that I had sent over my income three times now. Two checks from my "big" job and four from Cracker Barrel. The lady asked "You have two jobs? We only have one listed." I asked, "What about on the application?!" Sure enough, BOTH jobs on the application.

Two days ago I got a letter in the mail stating that my MONTHLY premium will be $159. That's a HUGE difference from the $15 I was told previously. It's still HALF what I pay for her to be covered at my job, but still ...

So I called. Apprently it took this "wonderful" orginazation from September till LAST week to realize I had TWO jobs. And they had calculated it wrong. I make $200 too much per month, gross income btw, to qualify for the lower premium. SO, they want me to fork over $318 TODAY to hopefully have her coverage start in Feb., but more than likely she won't be able to get in until March.

I'm about to scream. I really am. The lady I talked to yesterday was wonderful, but I don't have $318 to fork over and hope that I can drop her with my employer insurance in Feb.

SIGH ... I'm going on an interview/open house Tuesday. Hopefully I get the job, and hopefully they offer affordable insurance for the people who work there, and their children.

Have you ever known something wasn't right, but you couldn't bring yourself to see it. Well, if not, subscribe to my blog. You'll see big WARNING lights that I just look at amusingly. Hmm, what are thoughs?!?!

Well, I posted about a silly apartment fight that Michael and I were having. Today I ended it with him. Not completely over the fight, but over the fact that he didn't understand why Julie's daycare wasn't a negotiable thing.

I didn't post much on here when my daughter first started her old daycare. I stayed at home with her for the first 16 months of her life, working nights while my mom was with her. She is a HUGE momma's girl. When she started daycare, it literally broke my heart. Here's a good place to input that I didn't want to have any children until I was 30 and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would have to put her in a daycare, but when a great job was literally given to me ... I knew what I had to do.

Personally, I cried the first three days dropping her off. Starting a job, sobbing hysterically probably makes your new boss wonder about you. Running out the door at lunch to go and check on your napping babe ... and then coming back crying REALLY makes you look like a weirdo. Juliette didn't do well with the transistion either. It took a good two weeks before she was excited about going to school.

A month or so after, they added a new classroom and Julie went into it. She started coming home with weird bumps and bruises, but we didn't think much of it ... then she got her finger caught in the door. I wasn't able to leave work, so my mom went and got her. They told my mom that they thought she was going to need stiches. My dad's a fireman/paramedic, so he went with her. She didn't need stiches but had a nasty bloody nail for a few months after that. Again, we didn't think much about it.

Suddenly, my sweet darling toddler was becoming this horrid monster. Again, we didn't think anything of it b/c she was at that "age" where kids are supposed to be a little bit meaner. One day I dropped her off early and watched as two parents pulled their kids out of the class b/c of unexplained bruises. Suddenly the light shone. Then Julie was becoming incredibly aggressive, and I watched her push the only two other boys left in the class ... and the teacher didn't say anything.

I cried again the whole way to work.

I started looking that day for a better daycare ... and I found the one she goes to now. Sure, it's not perfect. In fact, I don't really like one of the owners ... but my child is HAPPY. She loves talking to you about school, sings songs she's learned there ... and has even made some of those pieces of artworks I'll look back on in 10 years and boo hoo like a baby.

And THAT my friend *while incredibly long* is why I am no longer moving in with some crazy man with WAY to much drama. A coworker asked why I would possibly date a man with children, and now I see why. I don't want to deal with an ex forever. Of course, I'll more than likely fall madly in love with a man with adorable little children of his own ... but ... well, let's hope he's more responsible then someone who fights over a daycare.

I ended it ... and really looked at my budget. Am I really going to be able to do this?!!??!?!!??!

YES!

Is it going to be tough?

OMG, yes.

Rent: $640 a month, a two bed, two bath apartment. Literally less than a mile from my parents *sigh, will I ever get away?*
Washer/dryer: $37 a month
School loans: $50 a month *BA, wanna help me out?!?! wink*
Daycare: $130/week. $520/month *WOW, that's almost as much as I'll pay in rent. Seeing the actual numbers is sickening!*
Car payment: $380/month
Insurance: $200 (I think it's actually 125, though I'm not sure. The extra money is going to go into a car fund, in case things like having my car broken into happens again)
Julie's health insurance: $15/month
Cell: $60 *I think it's about to be less than that*
Electric: $100
Gas: $100
Groceries: $300 *I think that's extreme*
Gas for the car: $100 *again, extreme*

Grand Total: $2112

Not including raises - I bring home $2486 a month. Now .. most of the things I over budgetted, since I have never really lived on my own. It leaves me $300 left over pretty much a month. Of course I'd LOVE to start putting that towards payin back all my debt *I added it up the other day, scary*, and saving. I'm due for a raise in March, but I didn't work that in. Of course this includes working at Cracker Barrel. I feel like I am going to be working two jobs FOREVER! Also, while it includes Cracker Barrel, I know it's not 100% of my tips .. it's only what I claim. I usually make about $100 more a week than I claim *shh, don't tell Mr. Tax man, he's going to hate me* but whatevers left over will be used greatly.

So ... wish me luck. A lot of luck.

Due to horrible planning, and my parents last minute notice that they were going out of town last week, I was short for daycare. Sigh

I hate this feeling.

So, I called up her father. Who is stating that he wants to be around ... still haven't seen him ... and asked to borrower $20. I can put gas in the car, get milk and pay daycare. I actually felt bad asking him to borrow money, which is just disgusting since he hasn't paid a dime for her in 19 months.

Sigh, at least he was more than happy to let me borrow the money.

To stop this from ever happening again, each payday, I am going to put $100 directly into my savings account. No matter what it takes. If I don't have the money for it, I honestly don't need it.

I'd also like to put $50 each serving weekend into savings. I don't know if this is possible, but I would really like it to happen.

Here's to stopping feeling sorry for myself, and getting back on track.

Now, I'll be honest. I kinda like working two jobs. If I didn't have Julie, I would work two full time jobs. Drag myself into the ground. I do feel guilty not spending enough time with Juliette ... but we do spend tons of time together ... just not as much as before.

But this weekend, I make $245 serving. WOW! I've been averaging around $200 including my measley paycheck (I get about $20 a week from Cracker Barrel b/c I have a 401k through them) This weekend I didn't even pick up my paycheck.

I'm pretty thrilled. I am not working next weekend, I decided to take some time off (plus my parents are going out of town, so no babysitter) so I am going to hold on to a lot of this money. Plus next weekend since I'm not working, I decided to take Julie to Disney for the day. We haven't been since Labor Day, I'm really exicited, since Disney will be decorated for Christmas. My three favorite things, Julie, Disney and Christmas. It's going to be amazing. I wish it wasn't so much money to go to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party, or we'd go to that to. I think I am going to wait another year before taking Julie to it, I just don't think she'll enjoy it quite yet.

Today, well I've spent about $5 on food so far. Breakfast I had something from downstairs, and then for lunch I had to go down for a bottle of water, and they had these awesome veggies so I picked some up. My coworker shared his leftover yummy shrimp pasta with me. I have some food that I really need to cook and freeze, I just don't feel like cooking when I get home.

This weekend, I went out and picked up Julie's Christmas outfit. It's sad, but I went to the Disney store and got her a cute dress with Mickey and Minnie on it. I also picked her up a stuffed version of Lightning McQueen. She's really into cars, and this darn thing has had to go with us everywhere. Then we rode the carousel, a good $2 spent. She didn't want to ride on the horse, we sat in this clam thing. It moved up and down and she kept yelling "WEEEE!!!!" She's pretty silly. Tomorrow we're going up to get the girls pictures with Santa, yay!

Friday I took Michael out to dinner. Dinner was bleck, but Julie was with us. They were so cute together. Julie acutally listened to him. We had a great conversation, good time with Julie ... I didn't want to introduce him to her so soon, but I think that if things keep continuing down the path they are on, it was good for him to meet her now. On the ironic side, her father who was so interested in seeing her still hasn't. Sigh. I don't even want to ask him anymore. The past two weeks having to talk to him and deal with him have been grueling.

On Saturday, to celebrate the fact that I could *even though I didn't really want to* I went to a party at my friends. I double and triple checked that James wasn't there, since they are friends with him as well. Was told by everyone that he had left about 30 mins before.

My friend and I went, I grabbed a beer and chatted a few minutes. It was just weird being there, I was really worried that he might show up again ... I just got an uneasy feeling. So I left.

When I went outside, my friend was standing by a car. I ran over to talk to him, even though the girl I was with told me not to, to just go *it was cold outside* I should have listened. James was sitting in the car.

It turns out he was waiting to talk to me, outside for 45 minutes. Everyone at the party thought he had left, but no ... he hadn't.

It was to cold to talk outside, so I invited him back to my place. I really needed a drink at this point, so he drove me home. Both friends outside at this point made me promise to not kill him. We got back to my place and talked for an hour and a half. He apologized, said a whole bunch of stuff ... includind asking me to move in with him in an apartment.

He says he's going to get the paternity test done, that he plans on paying child support. I don't believe him ... I really don't. But, it would be nice if he was being truthful and honest about everything. Needless to say ... I don't think he is.

Michael ended up coming over after James left. I was really just ... miserable after he left. We had a few good laughs about it ... Michael thinks he's being honest, but then again, Michael doesn't know him. It would be great if he was ... just amazingly great.

Moral of the story ... don't go to parties. EVER.

Julie is going with my parents out of town tomorrow morning ... so how in the heck am I going to spend the next nine days??!!?! I have to work, both jobs, a lot over the week. Infact, I'm actually working at Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving, which is why I couldn't go with them out of town *I would have killed someone bein on an RV with my parents for that long, I really honestly don't mind*

Friday:
1. Go shopping for some warmer clothes for Julie. She really needs about five more pairs of pants, and some night clothes. I don't know how cold it is iin North Carolina, but well ... I'm sure it's colder than down here. A lot colder.
2. Do laundry.

Saturday: Freedom!
1. Clean out, vacuum, scrub down my car. My car is lived in ... it's getting pretty ... eeewwww. I just always put it on the back burner on my things to do list. Children should not be allowed peanut butter filled cookies if they are going to smear them on the car. My coworker gave me her sons old *in really awesome condition* car seat ... which is really really sweet. She was looking for a way to get rid of it ... and I happen to needed a new one.

2. Go shopping! Next week and the week after we have some really big clients coming into the office. We're about to expand big time .. which is scary. There are 11 of us in my department, we're about to grow to 75. But, the CFO of the company asked us to dress more business than casual. Sniff. We're pretty laxed at work, but I have a feeling my flip flops will have to be put away for the next couple of days. Oh well, I'm hitting up the mall for a couple of new outfits. AND, since I don't have to pay for daycare next week, I will NOT feel guilty about actually doing something for myself.

3. I'm dying my hair *if I have the time( tonight as well. I have to work 2 - close, but if I have time .. it really needs some color.

Sunday:
1. Work 8am-4pm. Or around that time.
2. Michael is coming over, and I'm going to cook for him. We're still in that weird "we have too much baggage are we sure this is going to work" stage ... so I'm going to wow him with my cooking. I'm thinking about stopping at Blockbuster and watching a cheesy horror movie ... horrorfest is this weekend, but he works retail so we don't have much time for that.
3. Freak out, b/c Michael is expecting me to cook seafood. Deer in the headlights look. I have no idea what I am doing, but my girl at work is bringing in some recipes and will be a phone call away for when I burn down my kitchen.

And that my friends, is my weekend. I don't know what I am going to do without Julie, but I'm sure I can make it through without her. I just can't wait until she's home for snuggles, I love snuggles. The best part, my best friend lives in Orlando for school ... and we never see eachother. She'll be home for Thanksgiving ... so I can taste a drink in our future. Plus, another friend still "owes" me drinks from my 21st birthday *I'll be 23 in three months, sigh*, so I think I am going to cash in that raincheck. I'm sure I can find something to do with myself over the next nine days.

By the way, I made sweet potato casserole this morning, from scratch. Holy moly. Never again, unless I figure out an easier way to mash sweet potatoes ...I'm pretty sure I gained some muscles ... somewhere.

In response to a reader's question, I'm honestly not sure where I stand on the child support.

See, new guy has one of those "baby mama's" you read about. The kind that calls him up at all hours of the night asking for money. She called him and said she's being kicked out of her apartment and unless he can help her get a new one, the kids will be on the street. *This is where I ended it with new guy, for now ... I don't have time for that sort of drama*

See, my fear is ... I'll be that kind of woman. I don't want to wait every month hoping that the child support check is going to come in. I don't want to worry about how I am going to pay my bills, and to call her father crying. The fact that I ended a relationship with a guy I cared about b/c he was being milked by his ex fixes it for me even more.

Everyone in my family has faith that her father would pay ... but I don't yet. I don't have faith that he'll pay, and I am scared that I'll become dependent on him.

December 1st is the deadline I'm giving myself. I'll either file ... or write him out of our lives forever. I didn't realize it would hurt this much.

So yesterday my friend called ... and called .. and called. I was busy at work so I didn't have a chance to return her call until almost 6 when I was done picking up Julie.

She had an extra ticket for Guns n Roses!!!!

OMG ... are you kidding me.

So, it kinda threw a teeny wrench in my budget. I didn't have to pay the $93 for the tickey *yes, $93 ... how sad is that*, but I did have to pay $10 to park $2.50 to drive on the expressway, I gave her $3 for fries while there, and $5 for dinner on the way over. Totally worth it. I had to buy lunch and breakfast today, so there goes another $8. The rest is going to go into my gas tank.

The show lasted till nearly 2:30 in the morning. Then I had to drive my friend home, by the time I got into bed it was 3am ... UGH. Waking up this morning was really really unbearable.

I haven't gone out in MONTHS. Seriously it's close to two years or more. I always feel guilty leaving Julie. But last night I went and had a BLAST. I met these two hillarious guys so we spent most of the night telling eachother jokes ... then I met this nice guy and he asked for my number.

My friend laughed when I proclaimed that I hadn't been picked up in a really long time.

So all in all ... the best night I have had in ages ... one of the best shows I have been to ever. I won't say the best, that would be the free ticket I got to Incubus.

And you know, it got me thinking ... I have been questioning karma a lot lately. It happens when I think about Julie's father and this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but I can't get over how "unfair" it is to all of us that he left. And I couldn't figure out how come my life was harder. It's not. Sure, James is a lot of horrid words, but I have a wonderful daughter ... and wonderful friends. I didn't like who I was before my daughter, and I honestly think she was brought here to give me life. So, the next time I want to kill her father .. I'll remember last night ... a free ticket to a great show, where I met great new friends *and possibly a potential boyfriend* ... and be content. That's all you can be in life, content.

Thank you folks and good night!

I cashed in $38.41 in change today. Handed over $5 to my friend for buying a sub for me ... mmmm Publix subs.

$25 is going towards filing for child support. I am filing today, as soon as I find Julie's SSN#. I'm actually going to do this.

The rest, I'm either going to buy her another outfit, or throw into my savings account. Both are important ... I won't decide until I get home today.

A good day, I think.

So 50 degrees might not sound cold to most of you ... but whew! Was that hard to wake up to this morning! This weekend was in the high 80's and then wham ... it's chilly. I had to bust out Julie's coat ... and I noticed I don't have one. Great. I don't know when I'm going to be able to afford that.

I'm heading over to kmart b/c they have their pants on sale. 2 for $7 for Julie. I'll get her two full outfits for a little less than I'd pay for second hand clothes at the consignment shop. The clothes there are great, Children's Place, GAP ... but I'm more worried about quantity at this point over quality. I have to make it to Christmas when her great grandmother will load her up with clothes. LOL. She might not speak to me, but she loves the kid. Whatever, I'm just happy for the clothes.

My daughter went peepee twice in the past two days ... on the floor. She runs to me to tell me she needs to go ... starts tugging at her diaper ... I take it off, put her on the potty ... and she promptly stands back up and pees on the floor. I don't know what to do about that! LOL. She likes to carry her potty around behind her bumm around the house. It's pretty hillarious. In two months, a week and two days, she'll be two. I'm not ready for this!!!

A preliminary Christmas for Julie:
1. Trunk for dress up clothes.
2. Dress up boas, sunglasses and shoes. I think I'm going to hold off on actual clothes until she's older. More beaded necklaces!
3. A good doll, there's a particular one I have in mind that I wanted to get her last year but waited too long ... I think it will be perfect this year as well.
4. A couple of puzzles.
5. A couple of books.

I think for her birthday I am going to get her a trike. I am not to sure b/c my mom wants to get her a ride on car that I don't think Julie is old enough for yet ... but my mother won't listen to reason on this one. I'm also considering a good wooden cradle for her doll.

I honestly can't think of anything else she needs ... I am going to get her sippy cups for her stocking ... and who knows, we might be ready for big girl panties at Christmas as well. I'm going to talk to the teacher tonight about the need for pullups ... Julie's all about taking off her diaper and throwing it in the trash if she has a chance.

So I went to the library last night to hopefully find The Tightwad Gazette. I haven't had a card to the public library since I was in highschool so I applied for a new card first ...

Turns out sometime in 2005 someone checked out and lost a number of books in my name. This can't possibly be me since I was living in a different city and honestly wouldn't have checked out the books to begin with. They were on things like sewing and baking ... but I was living on my friend's couch at the time ... so it's not something that would have peeked my interest.

Anyways .. I have to pay it off ... since I can't proove that it wasn't me ... AARRGGGHHH!!!

It's $168 ... total ... isn't that insane!! Until I pay it off ... I can only check out three books at a time ... not to bad I guess. I put $21 to it ... all the cash I had. It's just upsetting ... but whatever ... money's just money at this point.

I went to get my bank account at my credit union opened up ... I have a savings account there. Since my credit score is pretty awful, I have to take a class to be able to get it open?! I have never heard of this ... but whatever, it won't hurt to do this. It's $30, and I'm going to have to change my schedule around and have my mom pick up my daughter ... but just knowing that things will get done eases my fear a bit.

Just a bit though.

Still waiting to hear from Direct to see if my loans were able to be consolidated. Then I will know for sure my total budget.

I've been paying extra on my car to try to get it lower so that when I go to trade it in in a few months I won't owe so much ... still trying to save money, plus by my daughter winter clothes. It's like a never ending way to spend money.

Tonight I am going to cash my check at the credit union ... pay my mom the $10 I owe her for the rest of Julie's costume *she's going to be a kitty* and head to the grocery store.

Another no a/c in the car day ... today is WONDERFUL here in Florida, very windy and not sunny at all. I think I live in the wrong state ... I could get used to living in this kind of weather!

So, I ended up spending a $1 on breakfast and $3 on lunch today. I just didn't want to wake up this morning. I don't know what's wrong with me .. I go to bed at a decent time, but I still don't want to wake up in the morning. My goal for this week is to be able to actually MAKE breakfast and lunch to bring to work.

My goals for this weekend:
1. Make breakfast and lunch for work for the following week.
2. Get oil changed in car.
3. Vacuum out car, figure out how to clean the leaking mess from the air conditioner.
4. Take two boxes of Julie's clothes to storage shed.
5. Keep track of change.

On Monday, my goal is to get to work early so I can take a long lunch and go to the credit union and open my checking account.

I'd like to make an estimated budget on what to spend on clothes for the next year. It's going to be "higher" than the norm I think ... I need a lot of new clothes since I barely have any ... and with Julie in her odd growth patterns.

Here's to a happy weekend. Monday I get to go to the consignment shop and pick up some more clothes for Juliette.

Apprently when you have a child, you have to be prepared for them to drop like flies. I picked her up from school Monday, with a note that she'd been coughing and had a runny nose ... nothing much I think ... so I go out and get some Dimetapp. Get home, give her a dose, feed her dinner, we played some games, cleaned up a bit, my mom came home and she ate some more. 7:30 she crawled into my lap and whined "Momma" and went to sleep.

That is NOT normal for my child.

By 9:30, she was BURNING up. I took her temp, it was 102.3. I had to wait until 10:30 to give her a dose of tyelnol cough and cold ... she slept pretty well on and off through the night.

We woke up the next morning, I made my lunch and breakfast for work, got dressed and grabbed some clothes for Julie ... woke her up. She was sick. You could see it in her eyes ... a couple of weeks ago we were having fevers all night, but she was fine ... I guess I was hoping this was just a viral thing. It wasn't.

I had to call in at work, and then try to get an appointment at her peds. They're a very busy office, and her doctor is the most sought after ... but luckily we got an appointment right away. He checked her out ... she was acting great in his office. Her cough is just drainage, and she has an ear infection.

She's on antibiotics, and at daycare. The fever didn't come back, so she was cleared to go to school today.

I milked what little I had in savings. I had to get gas, a card for my dad's birthday, plus the copay for the doctor's and the prescription. I ended up with a bit left over, so we got McDonald's for lunch. I also bought her an outfit since all of her clothes are getting to be to small and part of her Halloween costume.

I spent just under $50 all day, which isn't bad since $30 went straight to the doctor's and $10 went to gas. $12 was a new outfit she REALLY needed, and I spent $2.50 on her cat ears and tail.

Today is looking to be a no spend day, woot, since I don't have any money to spend. LOL. My brother is going back to Cali this afternoon. I'm a little sad to see him go ... especially since he and Julie ended up getting along so well last night .. she was finally comfortable with him. There was one point in the night that she and Will were reading a book, and she got up and walked around to everyone in the family and pointed to who they were and said their name ... just showing him the ropes I guess. Last night she didn't want to go to bed, she wanted to cuddle with Uncle Will. Too cute.

I just can't wait for him to come back home again ... we won't see him until around my birthday it looks ... though he's not sure with the current state with Korea, if they are going to send him over there or to Iraq. I guess we'll just wait and see.

So, dinner out with my brother and family got canceled, which is probably for the better. Just money saved on my end, and missing out since they went to breakfast and I was working.

Saturday, I took a box of clothes to the consignment shop ... they only bought 8 items ... so I made $15. Not the best, but most of the stuff we have for her is spring anyways. I think I am going to wait until Feb and EBAY it. I might not make a ton of money off of it, but it will get the clothes out of my hair.

This weekend was slow at work. I only brought home $140 plus my check. Not the greatest weeeked ever. I also ate out twice this weekend, put gas in the car, bought groceries. I also overslept and didn't make my food for work today, so i spent $11 on breakfast and lunch. Though I have enough lunch leftovers that I will eat tomorrow.

Next weekend should be busier at work as well. It seems we're in a pattern, one slow week and one busy week. The busy season should be starting back up soon, just waiting for the snow birds to come back to their Florida homes.

I really need to get an oil change ... I haven't figured out if I can afford it this week ... I think I can. Next week I only have to pay half for Julie's daycare ... which is sweet. With half of the money, I am going back the consignment shop to pick up some pants for Julie. I'm think 18 months should get her through at least half of the winter. Hopefully through Christmas ... we're telling my grandma to buy her 24 months. Hopefully they won't be too big.

I just HATE the weather here! It's too hot during the day (over 100 degrees with humidty) but we start the day with a chill in the air. I don't know if it's too hot for pants yet ... but she needs a sweater.

Tomorrow my parents are both taking off of work to take my brother to Disney. I want to call in ... but I will spend $100 that I don't have ... so it's not worth it. Plus, I'm really hoping to go closer to Christmas ... I LOVE the Candlelight Processional, nothing puts me in the moode for Christmas more.

I can't think of a god reasonable amount to put aside every month for clothes. With Julie, it's really hard to decide what she needs, how often to buy it, and in what size.

She's small for her age. Some 18 month old clothes don't fit at all ... and some are way too big. Winter is coming up quick, it was cool around here again this morning. It normally doesn't get way too cold until Jan ... but I have a feeling this winter is going to be colder then normal.

Plus, with my grandmother, she always buys WAY to many clothes for her for Christmas and then her birthday that follows a week later. She buys everything up North, and doesn't give a gift reciept. Plus, my grandmother and I are barely on speaking terms, and I wouldn't want to make the relationship anymore rocky buy asking her where I could return the gifts. I'll ask my mother to ask her to buy clothes in different sizes and different seasons ... last year she spent nearly $400 on clothes that Julie had outgrown *or were out of season* within 3 months. I don't want to waste her money.

Tonight, I am going to go through Julie's clothes as soon as she goes to sleep. I plan on making a trip out to the consignment shop early Saturday morning. I want to take at least a box down there with me. Then I'm going to inventory everything that's left and see what we need for winter.

This winter, her coat from last year still fits. This is great news. My doctor was really worried that Julie would get RSV last year, so he didn't want her out much at all last winter. She wore her winter coat like three times, and still ended up getting RSV. She's a lot healthier this year, and at daycare ... so we def need that winter coat. No RSV this year! She was just a day or so away from being hospitalized last year, and that's a fear I wouldn't wish on any mother.

I'm a lot easier. I really need a few more staples for my wardrobe ... but it's nothing that's going to kill me if I don't get it. I have a bit of a "thing" for shoes ... god, I love shoes. I need to "splurge" on two or three more pairs of workpants ... but I'm more worried about getting Julie some clothes.

I've also decided that my move out date from my parents is going to be March 1st, I want to have as much debt paid off as possible, and hopefully have a bit in savings. I really have to start cracking down to get this to happen ...

Yesterday was a great day. We woke up late *we always wake up late on Mondays!* and I rushed her to her new daycare. The traffic around our town is awful, but it only took 10 mins to get to daycare. During non rush hour trips, it'll take about 2 minutes to get there from the house.

Julie LOVED her new daycare. She was pretty sad to see me go, but according to her teacher had a wonderful day. The note home said she actually tried to eat everything on her plate during lunch time, which is amazing for my picky eater.

Last night, I had to go out and buy the bug spray *which I forgot at home this morning!*. That was $4, and then I was horrid and bought a snack at McDonald's ... I was so hungry. I bought a soda from the gas station, I rarely drink soda so this was a treat. All in all, I spent $7 yesterday. While at walmart, I forgot completely to look at windshield wipers, I don't think I am ever going to remember to look. I hope it doesn't rain today, which it looks like it's going to.

Today, I bought a piece of toast. That's it so far. I was STARVING for breakfast and the cereal I brought from home just wasn't cutting it, so I picked up a piece of toast from down stairs with some peanut butter. Mmmm ... Today spent .54 from my change jar here at work. I'm pretty sure today should count as a no spend day.

I hate Tuesday, they just drag on. I picked up a shift on Thursday at Cracker Barrel ... so I'm just hoping to make it that far.

A friend of mine is currently enrolled in Sanford-Brown University, where's she's going to school for medical assistance. Another friend is thinking about enrolling .. so today I went there for a quick chat with one of the admissions counselors.

I currently work 7 days a week ... Mon-Fri 8-5, Sat 2-midnight and Sun 8-4. Classes would be Monday- Thursday 6-10pm. So ... Mon-Thur would SUCK, and I would never see Juliette. It's 11 months for the course ... that's a really really long time.

I can't decide if this is the right course for me to take. I know that I have to do something for our future, I can't work two jobs forever.

My parents are moving out of state *going for a year long rv trip is a better way to put it* in two and a half years. I know my mom would watch Juliette, but I'd have to do it before they actually leave.

I'm so frustrated. I really want to do something with my life. I have to do something. I just don't know if this is the answer.

But, I think I have my answer.

I'm going to wait a year. I sound like such a procrastinator. If this is what I really want to do with my life *and put myself even more into debt* .. then I'll give myself a year to pay as much as I can off of my debt. Then, make the choice to go to one job ... and somehow do this.

They do offer a program where I can go just Friday and Saturday .. but I didn't even get into it. I don't know if it's something I am going to be able to do now, and certainly not in the long run.


I've just had a bad day ... I somehow stupidly overdrew my checking account. I'm so frustrated with my self. So tired of bumbling with this.

I keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day. A brand new wonderful day. Of course, it won't be a no spend day. I spent $68 at Target tonight ... I got my coworkers baby gift (Little Tykes Noah Ark, Binks and a hat *on clearance*) Her theme is Noah's Ark, so this is perfect. Plus, my friend's birthday gift, I bought her a giftcard. I hate giftcards, but I honestly had no idea what to get her. Then, I also had to pick up some new sippy's for Julie's first day at her wonderful new daycare. I have to pick up fried chicken and cake at Publix for tomorrow ... I'm hoping some of my wonderful coworkers will chip in some money. That would be sweet ... but I'm not going to hold my breath. They're cheap.

I work Sat and Sunday waitressing ... I'll probably make about $200 this weekend. Hopefully more. I am going to pay for daycare in cash at least this week ... so I make sure that the check doesn't bounce. Sounds silly, but it'll work I hope.

I have to go to Wal-mart on Sat ... I need to pick up a little pillow and possibly windshield wipers. I might need diapers this week, but I'm pretty sure they'll last until next week. I've got wipes and milk. Funny that these things are important to a mom, but really, those are the most important thing on my list.

She needs clothes. This morning, it was in the 60's down here *67 probably*. That might not sound cold to you, but to Florida at this time of the year we were surprised. Funny story, she has NO winter clothes! I dressed her in a pair of 12 month pants and they fit fine in the waist, but were about an inch to short. I HAVE to go through her clothes this weekend to consign them ... and pick some more up.

Long enough ... I believe. Off to watch my recorded showing of the office. I have to have something to gossip about at work tomorrow.

So, I enrolled Juliette last night at the new daycare.

I was so pleased just walking in there. Have to keep reminding myself that you PULL the front door. LOL.

It's so home like. I can see Julie growing there, and that's what I was looking for.

There are going to be 12 kids in her class, and two teachers. She has to pack her blankie and pillow up after naptime everyday, which is cute. She's very into helping with chores around the house, so this is right up her alley. They eat lunch in a lunchroom, so that will be cute for her. Thursday, the meal is country fried steak, mashed potatoes, peas and peaches ... I don't even eat like that for lunch!

The daycare is on 6 acres, and they have a farm there. They have five cows, a bunch of rabbits, a couple of goats, some pigs ... and the kids get to go down there and actually meet and greet with the animals. They go down about once a week at her age group. This is great, Julie is such an animal lover.

On the budget front, I wasn't expecting to pay the $50 registration fee ... but it's normally $75 and they're running a special, so I'll take that any day. Also, daycare is $130 a week, which is ten dollars less per week than her current daycare. That's awesome. The fourth week is half off, which will be put towards good use on my end.

All in all, I'm thrilled. I dropped her off at her current daycare and she started crying immediately. It hurts my heart to leave her, so I'm thrilled that she's starting her daycare on Monday.

We went for her shots this morning. She was overdue, but my insurance for work just kicked in. She was such a trooper! She had to get FIVE, and didn't even cry for the first two. The doctor said "She might be prissy, but she's tough!" This was after our discussion about Julie's "icky sticky" and wiping her hands and mouth after each bite. He says it's just a phase, that worst case scenario, she'll just have good personal hygeine. LOL. The things mother's worry about. She's still above average for height, but below for weight. She's catching up though, she's only a pound below normal. I was told to not worry if she stops gaining, as her growth is about to come to almost a standstill. The only hard part is trying to determine what size she'll be next summer, she's not even all the way in 18 months at 20 months yet. I'm thinking she'll still be in 2T next summer ... sigh.